Sermon

March 5, 2006 UNEDITED
Rev. Barbara McKusick Liscord
Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Milford, NH

As many of you know, I took a little time off this past week for a tour of colleges with my son. On Thursday night, our flight was delayed due to weather and we arrived later than expected at the Manchester airport. As I approached the baggage claim area, my cell phone beeped letting me know that I had received a call during the flight. It was a message from my parents, telling me that my cousin, Steven, had died that afternoon. It was strange getting such a difficult message in the midst of the stream of humanity that carries you off a plane, through the sleeve at the gate, into the terminal, and down the escalator. I felt immediately sad… and then mad at myself for not going to see Steven after his sister had told me he wasn’t doing very well at Christmas time. His father, Carl, died last September. You might remember that I left our Sunday service during the last hymn so that I could get to Maine in time for his funeral. Steven barely made it to his father’s funeral- he did not look well at all. Complications from Hemophilia and HIV had ravaged his body. He took his father’s death hard. I feel badly that I didn’t make the time to go see him. Regret twisted up with sadness, entwined with the hard fact of missing Carl, too.

At the airport, we claimed our bags, enjoyed a ride home with friends, and by the time I got home, it was too late to call anyone. Everyone in my family headed to bed. I did too… but with the uncomfortable feeling that there was unfinished business- that I should be doing something. Then I remembered that there was something I could do… pray.

In silent prayer, I moaned to God, the universe and to an image of Steven, that I was sorry that I hadn’t visited. Some of what I was feeling was guilt- I needed to confess a good intention that had gone unfulfilled. But as I let that thought go, I realized it wasn’t just guilt. I was feeling sad that I would never have the opportunity to spend time with this remarkable man- who wrote beautiful poems, had read every science fiction book ever published and who never, ever complained about the complex difficulties of living with hemophilia, long before careful screening for the AIDs virus. So my prayer passed from a lament for myself… to naming his life… and remembering all who live with the difficult realities that he lived with. I was jettisoned from sorrow to compassion and connection with all who suffer as Steven did. Steven managed to triumph, becoming a gentle presence in our lives. And then in silence, I named and visualized all the people who were feeling devastated by this loss… and felt a connection with them and with a holy presence of Love that I knew would bring us together and strengthen each of us. And though I don’t know what happens after death, I sent up a prayer of hope that Steven was at last comfortable- finally released from his body. And then my meditations made me laugh, as I enjoyed an image of Steve swinging through the universe, not even needing a starship of his science fiction stories. Then my prayer turned to gratitude for all the particular ways our paths had crossed in life.

So late last Thursday night, I was “standing in the need of prayer”. It turned out to be a gift that I had to quietly begin to come to terms with this loss before getting caught up in the flurry of phone calls that began the next morning.

It has been said that sky-divers do not start to sew their parachutes after they have jumped and they are hurtling to earth. The parachute has been prepared before so that it is ready to open when the ripcord is pulled.^ⁱ In the same way, having a regular prayer, meditation or spiritual practice is not only helpful to start each day in a mindful, hopeful frame of mind, but it is more likely to serve you well if it is something that comes easily, more naturally from practice. In his book, The Soul’s Religion, Thomas Moore acknowledges that “Human beings have a natural impulse to pray…. The obvious reason to pray is from need.”^ⁱⁱ

Many religious liberals are uneasy with prayer, because they are not sure who they are praying to. The joke goes that we are likely to pray “To whom it may concern…”^ⁱⁱⁱ I’ve come to think that it is more important to learn how to pray rather than focusing on “to whom.”^{^iv} Both Moore and Scotty McLennan in his book, Finding your Religion, write that prayer does not depend on a belief in a personal God.^{^v} Moore says, “Prayer is foremost a way of being. Sometimes it finds itself into words, but even when it doesn’t; it makes life a dialogue… Prayer doesn’t arise out of meekness and need only; it expresses our strength and is a sign of deep intelligence. We pray because we can stretch beyond our narcissism, knowing that our life is a grace and that the mysteries we are born into ask for acknowledgement.”

McLennan affirms what I have found to be personally true in my spiritual practice, that “personal and impersonal forms of prayer and meditation don’t need to be viewed as contradictory. They can very fruitfully be practiced together.” Eastern yoga and meditation practices help me focus in the moment and notice thoughts that cross my mind and the feelings attached to them. And then a prayer practice with words help me name my lament, put into words what I hope for and to then offer gratitude for the particulars of my life. Maybe you have noticed that some of the prayers I offer on Sunday mornings have these three elements- 1) Lament 2) Request or hope or intention and 3) gratitude. Whether you pray to a personal God or simply take time to sit and breathe… a common element is sitting still. And sometimes my word practice…will include reading poems or scripture… or repeating the wise and ancient loving-kindness meditation from Hindu and Buddhist tradition, which we have practiced here together on Sunday mornings from time to time. Whatever you do, take time to sit still- even if it is just 15 minutes a day. The more experience you have with this … the sturdier your parachute when life bounces you from the airplane.

However, I don’t mean to stand here and try to convince you that “prayer works” so you should do it. Much has been written these days about the benefits of prayer and even scientists are engaged in measuring whether prayer really works. I think prayer does work in terms of its benefit for you- the one praying. It improves your health and well-being. As to whether or not prayer works to bring about certain external outcomes, I’m not so sure about that. But I’m willing to suspend my disbelief when someone tells me about an intercessory prayer that created a happy outcome. I’m all for good outcomes whatever made it happen. Religion is full of ambiguity. As Moore wrote “through prayer we approach the mysteries, but we don’t conquer them.”

Betty ended her sermon with a wonderful poem by Meister Eckhart. And I will end my sermon with words by Thomas Moore which capture the same meaning.

“The mystic advises us to pray always, to simply be aware of the grace that permeates everything at every moment just as the water permeates the lake. There is nothing to do but stand in this water. Like fish we breathe in the life-giving nutrients that are naturally present. We understand that grace is not given apart from life but is food for the soul that saturates everything in existence.” Amen.

i I’m sorry that I don’t know the source for this idea. I read it one of the many sources on prayer that I have read over the years.

ii Thomas Moore. The Soul’s Religion: Cultivating a Profoundly Spiritual Way of Life. New York: Perennial, 2003. “An Instinct for Prayer.” Pages 248-254.

iii Suggested in newsletter sermon description by Rev. Bruce Johnson, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Upper Valley in Norwich, Vermont.

iv Page 106, chapter on “Prayer” by Eric Walker Wikstrom in Everyday Spiritual Practices.

v Scotty McLennan. Finding Your Religion: When the Faith You Grew Up with has Lost its Meaning. Pages 138-157.